What am I doing with this life.

When is living not enough?

I know, I know, out of context this may seem like a suicidal hypothetical, but to the contrary, my meaning is much different. Life isn't enough when you are just existing. By existing, I mean the mundane routine of going through the motions; waking up; going to school; heading to work; going to bed. Maybe there is some excitement here and there, but for the most part its the same old same old.

This is a shameful way to spend our century on Earth. Especially if you consider how miraculous life is. I don't mean to get too brainy here, but the fact that over 13.7 billion years ago, the teeniest of particles exploded (expanded really) and eventually condensed into planets, which in time developed a life sustaining environment that allowed for complex organisms like ourselves and the platypus(es) to thrive, is mind blowing. Us humans are also lucky enough to have loads of free time, unlike baleen whales who have to eat constantly for half the year or zebras that have to constantly be on guard in order to not be an afternoon snack. I feel like this is evolution saying, "Hey you, whats the point of evolving if you are not going to take advantage of these biological adaptions?"

So I am going to take charge of my life (this is much easier said than done) and start doing things that I really enjoy. For the last four years I have rarely done the things that make me the most happy. That is why I have decided engage in some self improvement activities.

For the last few weeks I have been thinking about various past times that I could pick up and I have come up with four that I want to pursue. If I complete just two of them, I will be happy. These four activities are cooking, sewing, hiking, and meditation. Essentially, as a nature enthusiast with domestic prowess, I am attempting to find joy and fulfillment.

Lately I have been stuck in a funk where I cannot get motivated to do the things I love. But I am a firm believer in the Universe giving you signs, and recently, I have received a few. First being instead of working a 40 hour a week clerical job, I am going to be a governess (technically, I will be a nanny, but since I am educated, I want to give myself more credit than I deserve). This I hope will provide me with more time to do things. The next sign has been a recent (re)obsession with all things nature (of course except fish and birds). I love looking at outcrops, wild flowers, and meromictic lakes. So when my friend proposed we climb the High Peaks in the Adirondacks, I was over-joyed.

While I am in no physical shape to climb the tallest peaks in New York State, I have decided to take small steps. We are going to start hiking nature trails, in three days! Sunday morning we are going to wake up early, hit the road and hike around Glimmerglass State Park. I was so excited that I have already made up an itinerary and evaluated what trails we will hike. In addition to a lake, this particular state park has a historic site and a beaver pond! (Beavers happen to be my favorite rodent.) I get so excited just thinking about this upcoming adventure.

I will conclude with declaring my expectations. I hope to be able to once again enjoy life's simple pleasures (and I am not talking about the laundry softener). I want to enjoy the sounds of water flowing and wind blowing as well as the aesthetic beauty of the sky's reflection on the calm lake waters. I also intend to get in shape for Fall and Winter, my two favorite seasons.

Here I have "publicly" declared my goals for the next few months. I plan on writing about my experiences; spiritual; domestic; or environmental, and track my progress in self rediscovery.

Cheers!